Laugh At Me All You Want
Posted: Tuesday, February 03, 2009
by Myla Madson
Myla Madson.com
Is it my fault that God made me prettier, smarter and younger than all the other mothers at my daughter's elementary school? Do I not go above and beyond the call of duty in my attempts at making these less fortunate mothers feel comfortable around me?
It is they who discriminate against me because I'm different. I'm alone in the corner of my child's classroom not by choice but rather through persecution. I am not the one making hushed comments behind their backs, acting less mature than the four year old children we are there to chaperone.
I feel alienated but also sorry for those who are so insecure that they must treat others in this unfair way, as if it is my fault I'm so uncomfortably pretty.
"Ms. Madson", my daughter's teacher calls loudly to get my attention, "please, can I speak with you a moment?"
I'm quite certain she wishes to apologize for the rude behavior of the other moms so I saunter confidentially across the classroom, an air of superiority dripping off my beautiful long blonde locks.
I hear muffled laughter as I go by and can only imagine what these poor creatures went through in high school.
"Ms. Madson", she said as I approached her, "I don't know how to tell you this without further embarrassing you, but the back of your skirt is tucked up into your panty hose and you're giving everyone quite a show".
That would certainly explain the similar stares at the gas station and bakery where I picked up the cupcakes for this little soirée.
This wasn't the first time this had happened either; you would think I'd take a little more care when putting myself together in the morning.
I've also put my shirt on inside out and wore socks that did not match properly a time or two.
I know of other women who have come out of the bathroom at work or a restaurant and walk by me with their bum exposed for all the world to see and I haven't said a word. I don't know why but I'm not alone in this; not one single mother, or customer at the bakery or person pumping gas at the filling station let me in on their little secret.
I wasn't sure exactly what to say at the moment and when I looked back at the other moms, they were all looking at me with stupid little grins on their faces. I told them I thought they were acting the way they had because they thought I was so pretty and felt uncomfortable around me.
I'm not sure which was more embarrassing, that comment or the fact that I had mooned everyone for the better part of the morning.
I joke about how I look all the time, but people think I'm being serious. Women are pretty sensitive when it comes to things like looks and don't get it when I brag about being so gorgeous, even though I'm really just kind of an average gal.
Men joke about how hot they are all the time and their friends just slap them on the back and say, "yeah, and I'm Brad Pitt".
I told the moms I was joking around and that I didn't really think that the reason they had all been looking at me so oddly was because of my unnerving beauty, and then I couldn't help myself and added, it was, however, a very plausible conclusion to have jumped to. Again, they just didn't get it.
Oh well, what can you expect from such simple minded people? I did mention how much smarter I am than everyone else, right?
For more from the mind of Myla, pleas go to http://www.mylamadson.com
Hi Myla.I'm not sure I would survive such a thing or that I could write about it. Good thing I don't wear pantyhose ... can't abide the d*** things.It really is crazy that no one told you. That's just so cruel.Great writing as usual!Hugs,DianneThanks for the comments and your right about how mean it was no one told me. Oh well, I've never been patcularly shy, it's kind of funny when you think about it. Have a greta day, lol
Myla. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.Okay....now that I am composed..hahahahah....well.....er.....sorta....hahahah.I will tell you that as usual, you painted such a visual...hahhahahaha.....that I can't stop laughing......!!!! OMG this is the funniest read yet. Its kind of like us guys....when....you know.....(little letters.....we're unzipped). That is so embarrassing, especially when know one tells us!!! I mean women won't tell us, because it would make us think that they are checking us out, and guys really don't say anything because they don't even want the other guy to think THEY are checking us out....so we always have to find out for ourselves, and by the time we do.....the whole world is in on it.....So......I know the feeling....I always thought everybody liked the hat, but oh well.....there ya go. I love this read, kept me entertained as usual....and loved the visuals......Your pal in pen.........Gary.Thankyou Gary for the kind words, and the disturbing visuals. He-he. You are always so generous with your comments and I really appreciate you taking the time to leave them, you are a real benefit to the Searchwarp community! lol
Myla, ditto what Gary said. I think I inadvertently give a little gal in the drug store something to giggle about a few weeks ago. Hilarious article!Careful how you word things Terry, I almost read that comment as you gave a gal a little something to laugh at. Thankyou for the comments, I appreciate them more than you could ever imagine!Ah, good catch, Myla. I need to be careful about using the words "unzipped", "fly", and "small" all in the same sentence. :-)
Myla,A funny story and loved it. And what is proper when a guy witnesses such a spectacle? Hmm, I don't know and witness my vast experience. Having come from a family of women -- 4 aunts, 2 sisters, 2 daughters and 4 granddaughters, I am a self taught expert on the color pink and all its implications (or thought I was). Pretty girls probably shouldn't joke about being pretty - it's in the pretty girl code. I visited your website and you certainly qualify. : )I love your writing style and your great sense of humor.
JohnYour to kind John. Thanks for leaving such a wonderful comment, it means a lot coming from a pro such as yourself. have a great weekend!Myla
Myla,Very funny stuff. I can sympathize, being so pretty myself. And my smokin' gams are the talk of the office. The boys are soooooo jealous ;=)JeffJeff, me too -- I am pretty…and the boys are soooooo jealous… :-)Christine, but at least your boys like girls. Whoops! ;-)Oh my gosh, I can't believe I got a comment from Jeff Brown. I absolutely loved your last article about proper grammer and the use of commas. (yes, I am aware I spelt gramer, uhh, grammar, incorrectly... and probably one to many commas).What's it like being such an intelligent person? You absolutely amaze me with your brilliance, and I'm not being sarcastic here either. And, I might add, you are one pretty fellow. I'm not sure what a smokin' gam is/are but I'm sure it/they are quite impressive. Thanks for commenting, it means the world to me. lolMylaThanks for the kind comments. And what's interesting is that it wasn't until I was well into my twenties that I often thought I was a pretty useless human being. That's why my life is dedicated to encouraging, and when you think about it, what else is there? Thanks for commenting. God bless.
P.S.
Gams is another word for legs.
P.S.S.
By the way, embarrassing moment: I walked into class one day and a young lady passed me a note at the podium. It said, "Prof. Brown, you have toilet paper coming out the back of your pants." Guess I didn't discard properly. But that's not the worst of it. It happened again. A point of note, the first time I went straight to the front of the class and was somewhat hid by the podium, so not too many saw the TP. The next time, however, I walked by the entire class to the desk / podium that was in the back of the classroom, so everyone got a show. But you know what? It didn't phase me a bit. I guess being a standup comic for five years helped get rid of any feelings of pride or shame at being human, for that's what comics do. They say "Hey, America, don't look now, but you're pants are down."
P.S.S.
Regardless of what you say, yes, you are a hottie. I saw your web site. Also, you've got some pretty funny stuff.I'm sorry for not responding to this comment, I didn't catch it. You were a standup comic? That is so cool. I've always wanted to give that a try but I can never get drunk enough to give open mike night a whirl.Thanks for the compliments and perhaps you should restrict your bathroom doodies to home -he-he, I said doodie!
Myla, I hear you loud and clear… and I get it! It’s one reason I prefer hanging out with my male friends (and selected group of girlfriends). I can brag all I want about my “good looks” (though I am kind of average too)… and I get mocked, get teased, get complimented… and all in good humour/intentions. And I dish it out as good as I get without having to be overly “sensitive” about looks or age etc.
Now, I don’t know about you being smarter or even prettier… last time I checked with God, He told me I was smarter -- and …looked kinda old-e-r… :-).Fascinating writing -- as always!Hey girl, thank you so much for commenting. I know you are a true professional and it means so much to aspiring writers such as myself when someone of your caliber leaves a comment on their article.I appreciate the kind words and you truly are a beautiful woman. have a great weekend!
I see that you have learned that the best way to make people laugh, is to be able and willing to laugh at yourself. I thank my mom for that ability and I consider it a blessing. Great article !!! *** Fellow SearchWarper, dave potchak, and aka "Catfish Charlie" (most of my "laugh at myself" stories appear as dave potchak
