10 Things My Children Have To Know Right This Very Second
Posted: Tuesday, March 25, 2008
by Myla Madson
Myla Madson.com
The other day, after opening my real estate tax bill, my six year old son asked me why I was crying.
Boy was he in the wrong place at the wrong time! After a fifteen minute dissertation on unfair taxation, the American Revolution and the struggles of the working class, my son responded with one of those comments that always catches me off-guard, makes me laugh, and for the moment makes me feel just a little bit better.
"I learned in school that the Earth's crust is about 19 miles thick," he began "If you count the fluid mantel beneath that, it's another 1800 miles or so to the core. The core is about 8 miles thick which four of those miles could be considered ours because we reached half way and the other side belongs to someone in China," he continued on, much to my amusement, "I don't know how exactly to do the math on an acre of land that's 1821 miles thick to see just how much we actually own but I think what the government's charging seems fair"
Yes, this seems to be the way the government has figured my taxes. Although I can't reasonably use anything lying more than a few inches beneath my feet, the bureaucrats seem to think it's reasonable I should pay the taxes on it.
After a few glasses of wine to calm the nerves, I started thinking about some of the comments and questions my children have come up with over the years…questions I still haven't looked up the answers to. My general response to such questions is; why don't you go and ask your teacher, isn't that why I'm paying all these ridiculous taxes?
Here's a list of some of the more memorable ones…
Why doesn't broccoli come in a can like peas, beans and corn?
Why do mattresses have designs on them when they are always covered with sheets?
If the police break down our door (for whatever reason) do they have to pay for it?
What's the opposite of opposite?
Mommy, why can't you put mascara on with your mouth closed?
Do the actors on "Americas Most Wanted" or "Unsolved Mysteries" ever get arrested because they look like the criminals they are playing?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
When a car is for sale and it has a balloon on it, does the balloon come with it?
And my all time favorite question and most embarrassing moment is:
Mommy, I know you told me to stop asking you so many questions, especially here in the nail salon where you go to escape such assaults (my words, not hers) but I absolutely have to know something…It's terribly important!
Okay sweetheart, but it better be life or death.
Does that lady with just one arm over there have to pay full price to get her nails done?!?!?!
Myla Madson is a family counselor and author of several expertly written books on a number of subjects…none of them published of course. For more from the mind of Myla, please go to: http://www.MylaMadson.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)Once again, you have left me chuckling. I'm curious, did your daughter ever get the answer to her question in the nail salon? I have two daughters, one that sounds very much like yours. She has grown to be a wonderful adult who still keeps me on my toes. One of my best memories of her different way of thinking is watching a wildlife show about reptiles when she was small. I asked her if she knew what 'cold-blooded' meant and without skipping a beat, she replied, "Sure, mean and heartless." Thanks for another great article!Yes, the lady did get a "five finger discount". Oh my, that was terribly insensitive of me! Actually, that was the ladies answer to my daughter who was seven at the time. She was a great sport about it and said I should never try and quiet my curious daughter who was not trying to be mean spirited like so many grown-ups had been since her accident. I'm glad you enjoyed the article...kids say the darndest things, huh? Myla
Once upon a time when I was a lot, lot younger, my mother and I were out shopping when I saw a man with what was apparently a very large nose. In what I can only assume was a very cute and young alto voice I asked my mother, "why does that man have such a big nose?", and of course I did it loud enough so that every single person in that shop could hear including the unfortunate fellow with the enormous gonzo like shnoz. My mother did the worst thing possible, she tried to reason with me "oh it's not that big, you know daddy has a big nose too", to which I apparently replied in my loudest little man voice "oh no, it's MUCHHHHH bigger than daddies!!!!" Luckyily for my mother I'm no longer 16 and almost never embarrsess her anymore. :)Thank you Ben for commenting and joining my fan club. You should never stop embarrassing your parents, it's what keeps you young. My mom tends to disagree with this philosophy but then again, she is old so wouldn't understand. I appreciate you taking the time to leave more than just a cursory response. That was one of my kids spelling words we studied last night...cursory, and I just could not wait to use it in a sentence! lol Myla
Kids are a delight that's for sure Myla. When I compare my childhood to my children's (ages 4 and 5) the response I get is: 'Yes, but that was in the olden days when everything was made of wood.' This always leaves me speechless, me being only 38 an' all!!! Lovely article.Ahhh, to be young again with no clue how quickly time is slipping by. Thank you for commenting Leah, I always enjoy hearing from you. lol Myla
What a riot! LOL. These are the memories that make it all worthwhile when it comes to our kids. I still remind my two of the "crazy" questions and goofy words they made up. Why can't adults be that creative? Thanks, Myla!Thank you james for commenting. i try and stay young at heart and act about as immature and irresponsible as I'm able to get away with. My kids have me beat hands down when it comes to making a public spectacal of themselves and as innocent as it all seems, I think they realize they embarrass their poor mother to death. lol Myla
God Myla, you are a riot. You are a great writer to! I could not even begin to write like you. You are funny and really know how to tell a story to make people think and laugh at the same time. very goodThank you for your comments. I understand that while you could never aspire to be an unpublished author such as myself, it is important to have dreams...I would advize however, that you keep them realiatic ha-ha..thanx again! myla
That old saying "out of the mouths of babes" we can learn a lot from children if we listen to them.Thank you for your comments David, and yes, my children teach me something new each and every day...or at least force me to google their never ending questions for an acceptable answer.
Myla,
Please read my response to your message on my article, MUSINGS ON BEING A CONSERVATIVE. I would be happy to explore my response further if it won't make you vomit! You are indeed a "funny face." You always make me laugh. Be well.I will lol myla
hi myla, do you remember the show art linkletter had, "kids Say The Darndest Things?"it was really funny. i got a kick out of all the sayings. the one armed lady-priceless. and who would have thought of the broccoli in a can? your child! pretty clever. it's like a jerry seinfeld routine. thanks for a great article, best regards, sueI don't go back quite that far but I've seen re-runs of the show as will as the Bill Cosby show about the comments children make. Thank you for your comments Susan
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