Why Do Old People Do Everything So Slow?
Posted: Friday, March 21, 2008
by Myla Madson
Myla Madson.com
At the risk of sounding insensitive, I will preface this article by telling you how much I love and respect my parents, who, unfortunately are getting old but have forgiven me and given their permission for my submission of the following tirade:
(To be read tongue in cheek)
Why do old people do everything so slow? Don't get me wrong, I understand that physically, old folks can no longer do the things they once did as efficiently, but it's not the physically demanding sort of things I'm talking about.
Or something along those lines. It certainly wasn't nice but I knew exactly what was about to happen.
First, they take forever getting everything out of their cart. I can deal with this because they are old and over time things break down and you just can't unload a shopping cart as quickly as you once did. I factor in these things when I get in line…if they are old, add fifteen minutes.
What bothers me though, is that they always seem to have a question about what it is they are buying or how much it costs. Maybe it's just me but I tend to remember what I've placed in my basket and have a pretty good idea how much it's going for. "Price check on register seven please!"
Once the sixteen year old zit faced assistant manager makes his way back from the produce isle by way of China and verifies that the spinach was indeed 89 cents a pound and not 88 cents, the cashier finally totals up their purchase and holds out her hand for the money.
Which of course is still tucked safely away in the woman's purse. It seems they are unaware that they have to pay for all this stuff. This, of course, made me curious as to why they were so worried about the price of the spinach.
It wouldn't be a bad idea I suppose if you got to stop paying for things at a certain age, but it's never going to happen.
These folks have been paying for things all their lives…you'd think they had it down by now but it never fails, they just stare blankly at the cashier, who to her credit, repeats the total and sticks her had out further.
My eyes roll back in my head when the lady pulls a coupon out of her purse for the light bulb they bought and the cashier had to call the manager over to adjust the price. Now, you would think that as she was doing this, the geriatric genius would go ahead and get her money ready.
Nope, same blank expression like that three cent coupon is gonna go ahead and bring their balance on down to zero.
I'm rather frustrated at this point and quietly cursing to myself. I never should have put myself in this position but all the other lines were so backed up with carts filled to the brim that I had no choice really.
I thought that perhaps I just might get lucky and I was in the express lane for Heaven's sake. Of course when you get old it is also apparent that you lose your ability or inclination to count because the couple in front of me certainly had more than the ten items this line was designed to handle.
Anyway, the lady finally gets her money out and instead of giving the cashier sixty dollars to cover a $58.30 purchase; she has to give her the exact amount. So in she went, searching for that little purse inside a purse old folks are so fond of that held the magical coins to mercifully finalize this transaction.
This took a while as theses tiny purses are difficult enough for an agile, arthritis free young lady such as myself to navigate much less a withered, eighty two year old women. And where the heck did the change come from in the first place? I mean if you are always paying with exact change, wouldn't you eventually run out of the stuff?
At this point I'm practically in tears. I'm missing the dog show, my ice cream is melting and I'm twenty minutes older…and so are they. Which confuses me to know end. They haven't much time left so why wouldn't they want to breeze through this most mundane of chores as quickly as possible?
Perhaps they know the end is near and they are at peace with that. Why rush, they've been rushing all their lives and probably regret not slowing down once in a while to smell the roses as they say.
Thank goodness for TiVo. I was able to record and watch my show despite the couple's nostalgic walk down memory lane right there in the checkout line. Funny how I spent the entire time getting frustrated and angry instead of slowing down and joining them.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Myla, I lauged out loud! Thanks for writing what I too often think. There was a woman in front of me pumping gas the other day. Now, tell me, how do you pump gas slowly? I don't know how, but it took forever. The sad thing? She didn't look that much older than me.I know I'm taking a risk here in offending someone so I'm glad to receive your positive comment! Thank you for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed the article. Most old folks are in bed by 7:00 pm, that's when I get my gas...ha-ha thanks again, Myla
Myla: Time to slow down and live like us old geezersI know, I know. Actuall, as I get older, I can't help but slow down. And I did not refer to you as a geezer...my mom said that was definitely off limits! Have a great day and thank you for commenting! Myla
Lol Myla, I hear your frustration! They must put something in the water here in the UK, as our old people zip about with more energy than a teenager and judging by the shopping bags they carry on their 5mile hike home, pretty damn strong too! I know I find myself looking at the seniors, with their swollen ankles, arched backs, and thinking, how the heck do they do it - I need a lie down already. Seriously they put me to shame. Meanwhile my shopping nightmare is my kids! :) Hoorah for online shopping!! :)Man, bottle some of that water and send it over here to the states! We could make a fortune! Thanks for the comments! lol myla
INCONSIDERATE PEOPLE...
Loved your story Myla. I am 76 years old and my wife is 78...haha... I am anything but slow well at least in my car. I drive a Supra which I have had up to 170mph and it is capable of 200mph and I don't piddle around when driving but I find many inconsiderate people out there on the road and most are younger. Also patience is a virtue.
But I do have to admit that it seems to take me about 4 hours or more to do some little job around the house that might have taken me a half an hour in my younger years.
But when my wife and I go the grocery store we try to be very considerate of others such as unloading groceries very quickly and having our money ready and waiting. I get so frustrated at waiting on younger people who don't think ahead and have their money out or their checks already written except for the amount and I would just like to grab them by the shoulders and shake them a time or two and then ask them if they never learned anything about consideration for others. I find there are all kinds of people who are inconsiderate of others in many ways and I have to say that almost 100% of them are younger. Well at least "younger to me"...haha...
By the way thank you for the great job on your write up for the Hydrogen Generator that I bought from you some short time ago.
JimE
Myla, now this is funny stuff, I don't care who you are....it is funny....My mom God rest her soul, we very slow....but she was adorable....the thing that embarrasses me the most when I used to go into the store, (and you are right about the exact change thing, and leave it to you to wonder where they ever got the change in the first place), but my mom would always wait untl we got into a heavily congested store, like a little drug store like Walgrees....and she would always, and I mean always pass gas. The she would look at me laughing, and would say "GARY"!!! as loud as she could, everybody would look at me with a disgusted look. She made it like I was the one who did it....it never failed.....and she never tired of the humor....She was slow, but she was consistant....I also feel your frustration....(I had a eighty year old the other day, that almost run into me in her car, and SHE GAVE ME THE FINGER???? Oh well....sign of the times, I reckon they lived long enough to abuse me......lol.......I loved the article, as usual you had me laughing again.....wtg......Your fan and friend in pen.....Gary
You are going to be old yourself one day. Yes - reactions slow down (and no it hasn't happened to me yet - I am in my fifties) and it is something which I think has physical causes - to do with the decrease in the number of brain cells possibly. A little compassion is called for (though I must say I don't understand the compulsion of ladies and gentlemen in their 70s or over for counting out the exact amount in small change!) As for the dog show - could you not have gone out a little bit earlier in the day to do your shopping? You wouldn't have been under such time pressure then.True, some people will grow old some day, but that still doesn't give them an excuse not to be considerate of others. I can relate to the checkout line story. But, I always get my revenge. If I'm in front of an old person in line, I will purposely take my time dilly dallying. Moving slowly, counting out change. You can see their frustration. Oh well, now you know how others feel.
I thought this was a really funny and true article. That's because I went shopping with my 77 year old Mom yesterday.... my sister absolutely refuses to do it. When I got home I had this question on my mind all night "why are old people so slow?" I told my 21 year old son about his grandma's slowness at the mall, but his answer was that she is old what do I expect. It's like she's moving in slow motion and I find it quite amazing. What I found myslef doing though is slowing myself down, taking deep breaths that I learnt in yoga and just becoming more patient. She makes me stop and smell the roses and for that I am appreciative. I don't know how much longer I'll have my mom in my life, but I am going to enjoy her for as long as I can at a snail's pace.
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